How do you cheer up someone who is upset?
How often have you come across people who curiously inquire, “are you upset?”, despite it being clearly evident from your face?How often have you come across people who start consoling and sympathizing you?Does the afore mentioned behavior sound familiar to you?If yes, then, answer the simple question.Were you more annoyed by their inquisition that what you were before?Most people fail to understand that cheering someone up cannot happen through mere expression of one liners, cherry picked from philosophical textbooks.It’s not the sympathy but the infusion of a thought that he is not alone, is the key to uplift his mood.So, the ideal way to deal with someone who is upset is to use the Placebo Effect.How to use this technique?Sit next to the person and allow the silence to loom large between you two.Now, begin with “Life is unfair”. This will grab his eyeball.Share your darkest moment/ Narrate a story when you have been through worse.He will listen to you diligently.At this stage, without even you mentioning that hard times come in everyone’s life, he will conclude himself explicitly through your story that he isn’t the only one suffering.After this initial relief that you imparted to him which he happened to realize, share your story of how you moved on from that experience and what positive things happened to you, post that traumatic phase of your life.At this point, he will see a ray of “Hope” through you which evidently was missing in him all this while.Now, stand up and start walking and vanish into thin air.What did you just do?You persuaded him indirectly.You became a source of inspiration for him at that point of time.You gave him a reason to work on improving his present condition without forcing it on him.If anyone is wondering as to what is the placebo in this case, then it was your personal story that you shared.Once he makes everything better for him, he will always be grateful to you for the story you shared.But in reality, he will always remain oblivious to the fact that it was done on purpose to propel him to work for himself.In simple words, if you want to cheer someone up, then narrate your sad story and make them feel that they are not the only one suffering in this world.Regards.The Psychology Geek
How do police address racial bias in 'call outs' (neighbors being more likely to call the police to report 'suspicious' activity of a minority in a segregated neighborhood)?
When I worked as a 9-1-1 operator there was a line of questioning developed to determine the priority of the call. These calls usually originated in a certain part of the city and the person calling usually reported a Black or Latino person acting "suspiciously." Well 9-1-1 operators wanted to catch the bad guys, too. So we would try to determine what the "suspicious" behavior was. Was the person looking into car windows? House windows? Were they walking down the street? They would report a Black or Latino male who was walking down the street or sitting in his car eating lunch. We erred on the safe side and would put out an information only call. Officers are aware of crime trends in the area and if an area has been experiencing a higher number of vehicle or house burglaries, then the information broadcast might be useful to the car that is patrolling that area. One night a woman called from the West side of the city, frantic because she heard a noise on the side of her house. There was a car nearby and we sent on a possible prowler at the location, no suspect description. We told her the police were on the way and to call back if she had a description. She called back. "I have a description!" "Yes Ma'am, is the suspect Black, White, Latino or Asian?" "They're two of them, and... and they are Black!" "What color shirt and pants are they wearing?" "They're both wearing dark clothing! Where are the police! Oh my God!!! They are on the side of my house looking around! Get the police out here now! Hello? Hello?" "Unit at ____ the P/R is on the line. She describes the suspects as two male Blacks wearing dark clothing on the side of the house right now." "Control, that's us. The P/R is describing us. We're two Black officers. We're wearing dark clothing, our uniform. Tell the P/R to open the door and come out and talk to us. The noise she's reporting is a tree branch." The operators had it easy, it's a tougher call for an officer. Err on the side of safety and treat people respectfully and hope that situation turns out okay for everyone. My motto, everyone gets to go home.
What are some things people coming out of highschool should know?
How to manage finances. Balancing a checkbook, investing, saving, budgeting. ( NEVER LOAN $$$$ to family or friends, and never believe the old "I'll pay you back as soon as I get my tax refund",,,,. the odds are against you and more likely to create bigger problems! You NEVER solve money problems by throwing more money st that problem.How to have a discussion, argument, even a fight with your SO or other adults..,but using rules where you don't insult/yell/scream/touch with anger/be condescending /curse or any other bad thing to or at your partner!!! Really LISTEN, than think about what was just said and reflect…. THEN respond. Never ever ever break these rules especially in front of children. Go for a walk and have your discussion anywhere, just don't do it in front of kids , no kids should never hear adult issues or be used as pawns!!!DON'T use " but " in arguments or excuses…..it invalidates anything said before it! ( I love you, BUT you're annoying = you're annoying )How to manage your own independent living space or home. That includes cooking /cleaning /shopping/ laundry /pet care /bill paying ,Your vehicle- you should know how to change a tire, how to refill air in tires to proper psi, know where to and how to replace fluids/check fluids:, I know if there are only specific fluids you should use , and how to check and edo general maintenance.How to read a road map.How to get and manage a job interview. How to make your resume , how to dress for an interview, how to prepare for an interview,how to practice for an interview, pre-research the job and company-know what the average starting salary for that position is, check into benefits, and vacation time, etc. practice what questions you should ask the interviewer during the interview.
What is the most annoying part of filling out job application forms?
I have been searching for full-time jobs for the past month. That’s thirty-plus days of dealing with applications in a city that doesn’t offer much for someone with my skill set. Here’s what drives me nuts:When I have to attach a résumé only to then manually fill out all of the information about my education and past work. Why? I typed it all out and formatted it for you already, plus my version is nicely designed.When one application takes half an hour to fill out. This is incredibly inefficient when you’re doing multiple applications. The longer it takes me to fill out a form, the more I boost my salary requirements.When the same application asks you the same questions over and over again on different sub-forms. You already have my sex, race, and veteran status. Why ask in five different spots?When the form says you’ll hear back in five to seven business days. That’s a full week. I need a job as soon as possible! Don’t you want to hire people? Isn’t that why we’re doing this?When an application tells you it wants a recent college graduate with five years of experience in management, a business degree with a liberal arts minor, two years of medical residency, ten years of pest control receptionist experience, and proficiency in Adobe Creative Suite plus juggling skills. Who is this job even for? How in the world do you expect to find someone who meets all of these requirements? Why would someone devote their life to getting experience in menial, underpaid work just to one day be your dream candidate?I didn’t make up the pest control thing, by the way. This pest control place wouldn’t even hire someone as a receptionist unless that person had been working for a different pest control place previously. NO exceptions. Sorry to burst your bubble, but people don’t dedicate their lives to getting enough experience in pest control reception to come meet your requirements and make $12 an hour. Dream on.
How do people with horrible handwriting cope? Do they have any strategies for making their writing more readable? What do they do to avoid writing illegible notes/checks/letters?
Had to laugh. Could not help but laugh. I was born to answer this question, hahahahaI cannot upload a sample of my beautiful penmanship due to some technicalities but anyone who knows me can vouch for my super handwriting. Some of the memorable facts that I received over the years:During high school, I was cleaning up boxes under my bed and saw a photo of me in kindergarten. It was Recognition Day. I was standing in front of a nun (Catholic school) and looking toward the audience. What struck me was the award pinned on my blouse“Best in Writing”WHAAAA?? What? What?? I showed it to my mom and sister. They laughed and surmised that the school might have run out of awards and just gave me that -_-Mom could not even recall I had that award. She recalled the other awards I got but forgot I even had this one. After digging through a pile of kid memorabilia, we even saw the actual award ribbon. Yep. Best in Writing.We concluded that I was given that because I could WRITE compared to my classmates. Technicality. I knew HOW to write my name and words better than them. Thanks, I guess.Several people over the years could not read my name when I write it down. Even my own childhood BFF had a hard time reading my letters for her. Yep, you read that right. Even with my horrible penmanship, I loved (still do) writing.Another unexpected sort-of-compliment moment was when a college instructor commented on my handwriting. Can’t recall why the conversation went that route but what she said was“Pim’s handwriting is… it’s big and roundish. It’s easy to read.”Hahahaha xD I saw her struggle not to offend me, hahahaTo answer your question, when I have to make sure that my handwriting needs to be read/ seen right, I write big enough for the space available, I emphasize curves better and really try not to rush in jotting down words.In spite of my regal penmanship, I still write a lot in my journal, sticky notes and every other opportunity that this skill can be displayed big and proud ,)
My son wants to rent the basement, I feel bad charging him because it’s my son and I don’t need to take his money. What are some options I can do to make him have responsibility without having to pay me?
This is what my son and I did when he wanted to live independently, but couldn't really afford to live out on his own.I live on the west coast of Canada. Rents are very high, so it is difficult for young people to work at the minimum wage jobs available to them, and live independently.We have a strong Provincial Landlord Tenant Act which governs both landlords and tenants. Everything is very clear, and life is easier for all concerned if landlords use the government forms, and follow the act.My son called me one day, after living away from home for maybe 3 years, saying he wasn't going to be able to pay the rent due in 3 or 4 days. Could he please move back home into his room?I rented a truck, about 3 hours was all I could get at that late date, and we moved him home.It turned out he was having trouble with having a consistent income with the minimum wage jobs he was qualified for at the time.He moved into his childhood room, which is tiny, and my living room became a storage room for the rest of his things. (I have a tenant paying market rent in a one bedroom suite in my basement. It pays the mortgage.)Not long after, we moved him into the master bedroom, which has an ensuite (master bath), and all his things moved from the living room into his room, which is very large.Next, he filled out a provincial government landlord tenant form, and began paying $200 each month.I put a full size fridge and microwave in his room. He did his own grocery shopping, and cooking. He did his own cleaning and laundry. We didn't share a bathroom, so that removed a source of friction.I certainly did not worry about the cleanliness of his room. That's what doors are for, although it turned out he cleaned more regularly than I did.I did not enter his room without permission or proper notice, as per the Landlord Tenant Act.I had already taken him grocery shopping a few times to show him how to shop and cook on a budget.I hired someone else to cut the lawn. My son had no time, and I didn't want to be arguing with him about chores.He was no longer a child. I had my chance raising him. That period of both our lives was over. He was trying his best to be an independent adult in a difficult financial climate, so I treated him like an adult. I also treated him like any other tenant I've had.My thinking was if I wouldn't say it to my tenant downstairs, I didn't say it to him.All of this meant that our only interaction was social, so we became good friends.It worked a treat. We get along great now.Your son is trying to be an adult, taking small steps. Let him. Make him a tenant, and treat him like any other tenant.Charge him $200 a month, which is low enough to keep him there, but high enough that he will have to budget to make sure he can pay it.Treat him the same way you would treat a tenant who is a stranger. Treat him like the adult he wants to be.Let him do his own laundry. Make up a schedule, if necessary. He gets the weekends, you get weekdays, he gets Wednesday and Sunday, you get the rest of the time.Hire someone to mow the grass. Do not expect “family chores" from him, just as you wouldn't from a tenant who is a stranger.Put a full size fridge, a microwave, and a hot plate in his suite if there isn't a kitchen. Then take him grocery shopping and show him how to shop, and cook, on a tight budget.Do not expect him at the family dinner table every night. You will find yourself chasing him to find out when he'll be home for dinner every day. Let him set his own schedule, cook for himself, eat what he wants. If he needs cooking lessons, teach him, or sign him up for a class. After he's settled, invite him for Sunday dinner, but not every week.If he needs to be driven when he drinks too much, pick him up. Ask no questions.Try very hard not to judge as he navigates the difficult time of young adulthood. Help him get through without any life altering issues — everyone alive, no one pregnant, no record.All of this will help him learn how to organize his life successfully in the adult world while he is in a safe place. It will also provide a foundation for your future relationship, and your respect for each other.He wants to be an independent adult. Let him, and help him.It has nothing to do with whether or not you need the rent money. It has everything to do with helping your son become an adult.My son stayed for 2.5 years. It was great having him here. When he left, he got in his car and drove, alone, across the country to live in Toronto, which he felt well prepared to do. I then offered his room to a young, aspiring musician who wanted to live semi-independently, with someone around. She pays market rent, I listen to beautiful music every day, and we both have someone to talk to.If you read my thread, you'll see some of my experiences with my son as he went through young adulthood, and how we navigated to what I now consider successful adulthood.
How easy is it to buy a gun in the US?
Depends on the state, depends on your age and your background. Let's assume you are not a felon or suffering from mental illness. You have not been dishonourably discharged from the military and have no documented history of drug use or domestic violence. Although you are a Brit, let's assume you are allowed to work and live in the USA and have permanent residence there (green card is fine, you are NOT there in tourism, studying or business). Let's also assume you do not want to open carry (carry your gun in public unconcealed) or closed carry (carry your gun in public but concealed) as they require additional permits.Federal law says licensed firearms dealers cannot sell a handgun to someone under 21. There is an exception - private sellers. If you were to go to a gun show and buy off a private seller, or even used the internet to find a seller with Craigslist or whatever, you could do that legally at 18. However, as you say buying in a licensed gun shop, that is who we shall deal with in each state.In Alabama you can walk into a gun shop and buy a semi automatic pistol as in your example without a license. You don't need a permit to purchase. You don't need an owner license. There are no background checks required for private sales either. There is no cooling off period (minimum number of days till you can buy another gun), nor is there a waiting period between buying the gun ad actually being handed it over, nor do you have to pass a proficiency test when purchasing the weapon. The only “difficulty” will be that you will have to show ID to the gun shop owner to prove you are over 21 (and if you look old enough, you won't even be asked for that).if you want to buy a long gun or a shotgun, you only need to be 18.Licensed gun shops have to use an automatic background check on you, but again, as you are not a any of the things described in the first paragraph, you are all fine. The form is ATF 4473, which has 15 simple questions on it. The gun shop use the ATF website to check your form against the database. It is a near instant process after submitting it before being approved And with that you are ready to go. AL.com worked out that you could buy a handgun in 20 minutes in such a way.AK has the same laws, as do AZ, AR, DE, GA, ID, IN, KS, KY, LA, ME, MI, MS, MO, MT, NV, NH, NM, ND, OH, OK, OR, PA, SC, SD, TN, TX, UT, VT, VA, WA, WV, WI, WYCO is equally easy, but you will not be allowed to purchase a high capacity magazine (holds more than 15 rounds) for your gun.So in answer to your question, there are 36 states where it is as simple as your question states to buy a handgun from a shop.FL is equally easy, but there is a three to five day waiting period between your purchasing the gun and being allowed to actually collect it from the shop in a handful of counties.Of the states in which the answer to your question is “no, rather harder”:CA requires a firearm safety certificate after a written test to purchase a handgun, although no owner license is required. Magazines containing more than ten rounds of ammo are illegal. A brief practical exam “safe handling demonstration” (demonstration proving knowledge of how to handle a firearm safely) is also required. You can only buy one handgun a month, and there is a ten day waiting period between buying a gun and being able to take it home.CT requires a certificate of eligibility for pistols and revolvers in order for you to be allowed to purchase a handgun. You cannot own magazines containing more than ten rounds.DC formerly banned handguns (refused registration after 1976). That has now been overturned. You still need to pass a rigorous and detailed test to get a certificate to buy a handgun though. You cannot buy magazines with more than ten rounds. There is a ten day waiting period between buying the gun and being able to take it home. You can only buy one gun a month.HI requires you to get a license to buy a handgun. There is a ten day waiting period before you can collect your gun.IL requires you to have a FOID card, which is basically a license, in order to buy. There is a three day wait between buying a handgun and taking it home. In Chicago you can only buy one gun each month (they formerly banned all sales within the city).IA requires you to he a permit to buy a handgun, and to wait three days before collecting it.MD requires you to have a license to buy a handgun. It is illegal to buy or sell magazines of over ten rounds in MD, however you may legally buy a larger magazine outside the state and bring it back, as long as you do not then give it to someone else within MD. you can only buy one gun a month and must wait 7 days before collecting a purchased handgun.MA requires a license to buy. Magazines of over ten rounds are prohibited unless you buy one made before 1994.MN requires a license to buy, and a week’s waiting period before collecting the gun.NE requires a license to buy,NJ requires a license to buy. Only one handgun can be bought in a month. There is a 15 round limit for magazines. There is a week’s waiting period between purchasing a gun and being able to collect it.NY requires a license to buy. Magazines containing more than 7 rounds cannot be purchased. If you bought a 10 round magazine prior to 2013, you may continue to use it, but it is a felony to put more than seven rounds in one of these ten round magazines. NYC only allows you to get one handgun every here months.NC requires a license for buying.RI requires a license and a seven day waiting period before you can pick up your gun.In summary: in two thirds of the states in the US, it is indeed very easy to buy one or indeed multiple guns as long as you are not breaking federal laws in the first paragraph.The laws regarding concealed/open carry/long guns/private sellers are obviously different